Are you addicted to a man and want to turn the tables and make him addicted by boosting your confidence level?
For a long time (during my marriage and while dating afterward) I was like an icepick around men. I felt so insecure and sensitive inside that I hardened myself up as a protection against being hurt. I was stiff, quiet, awkward, had a chip on my shoulder, and felt very uncomfortable receiving sexual attention.
The worst part was that I didn’t even know I was coming across this way. I felt so soft inside, so vulnerable, that I never thought I came across to men like some uppity ball buster. I just thought that men were jerks and so insecure about their manhood that they couldn’t handle a woman of my caliber. The truth, however, was that I was pushing good men away with insecurities and emotional walls.
What helped me stay blind was the fact that I was successful in other areas of my life. I had great girl friends who always told me I was so kind and funny. I was successful at my job and my co-workers all liked me and marveled at my intelligence. But with men, I was a failure.
I hadn’t yet learned how to feel secure in my skin as a sexy, desirable, lovable woman. I THOUGHT I was. I even threw my weight around and told men how amazing I was, but inside I knew that my “confidence” was just a rouse. I was puffing myself up like a puffer fish but it was all just “air”.
The truth was that I would do anything for men, and my desperation wasn’t attractive.
Once a man got past my hard exterior, he had me and not in a romantic sense. I ended up being a service girl to men– breaking my back to “fill in the spaces” where they slacked off in the relationship. I was planning all the dates, calling more than them, crying and making scenes about their lack of investment, performing sexually instead of enjoying sex.
Once a man had my heart, I no longer had personal boundaries and self-esteem. I was just working hard to keep him at the expense of my own self-worth. I soon hated myself and who I became, but I couldn’t stop. These men were like drugs– keeping me chasing the high that they made me feel.
And this high made me LIE to myself. I told myself that these men were my soul mates, that they did love me and would come around. I told myself that I was their angel, their savior and they needed me to experience REAL love.
There I was each time, living an illusion of a relationship. Even all of my friends would become tired of hearing about these unavailable men over and over again, but in my head, each and every one, at different times in my life, were my soul mates. I knew that if I just loved them enough, they would surrender to me, like I had them.
This never happened.
Why Pretending Confidence Doesn’t Work
Quality men can feel the difference between a brittle woman who has something to prove to men about her worth and a soft, sensual woman who doesn’t have a thing to prove. The first woman gives off a competitive vibe with men that is off-putting and feels “dangerous”, while the other type of woman invites men to fall in love with her by being emotionally available and easy to be with.
Men who fall for the brittle icepick woman, the one I used to be, are men with commitment issues. These are men who like the challenge of a hard-to-open-up woman. They like the attention and power it gives them to “break” these women and make them go from brittle bitches to childlike messes who will do anything for their man’s love, even if it goes against personal boundaries.
So, if you want a good man who enjoys intimacy and who works hard for your love, you can’t be the brittle woman. You can’t be a hard-ass who melts into a low-confidence puddle of mush and lets emotionally unavailable, unaccountable men walk all over her.
How to Be a More Feminine, Confident Woman
The key to being the soft, open and warm woman who invites caliber men into her world and gets treated like a goddess is… to have soul-fulfilling passions outside of men.
I used to be successful, fun to be around, kind and silly with my friends and family, but the truth was that it all was not enough. I still felt hollow inside and alone in a way that only could be healed by a man’s love. I romanticized relationships and dreamed about my fantasy man all the time.
This left me chasing love all the time, instead of realizing that love was as simple, slow, gentle and kind as my lazy Saturday afternoons with my girl friends. I was always looking for that all-passion, all-excitement, all-whirlwind romance “high”. However, that high was an ideal that didn’t last for long in a relationship. I loved the “in love” feeling and not the real deal, and the only way to remain “high” was to find men that never would give me the real deal.
So go out and build your confidence around men by dating a bunch of men (or flirt a lot if you are in a relationship), and also find 2-3 things outside of men that make you happy to be alive. Find ways to soften your exterior, by not making men your world. This will draw him in so much faster than you breaking your back to bring him close. Your low-confidence is a turn off and it’s a bad-man-magnet.
For more information about how to make HIM addicted by boosting your confidence and inspire men to love you the right way, check out our program Inspire His Love for You by clicking here.